GRATEFUL THINGS

I am so GRATEFUL right now for all the small things that have happened since Jan. 30th. On that day when we found out about Rob's cancer and I was outside falling apart, the nicest woman that I know I will never see again, offered me a hug and told me "that this will all work out". Was she really there, or was she sent to me at that moment in time to let me know that I needed to accept the help and love/support that would be coming my way?
I was also really stressing over my schooling. I was to the point that I needed to complete 100 hours of clinicals and still go to my class 2 nights a week. So how was I going to get this done and still be home to help Rob? When I went to my last class, the instructor pulled me aside and told me that she had a way to help me( I had not said a word to her about how I was trying to work everything out)which was for me to put my classes and clinicals on hold until the end of Feb. I could pick up where I left off with the next class. WHAT A RELIEF THAT WAS!!
The headlight on my car has an attitude and doesn't like to work. Rob did not have time to fix it. The stupid thing has worked everynight that I have been coming home late from the hospital.
The storm that was suppossed to come in Monday morning actually didin't turn out to be that bad. Andra had planned on coming down to sit with me while Rob was in surgery. But when the storm was forcasted, I told her not to come. Then my cousin Melissa texts me to say that she has taken off from work and she will be with me. Monday morning Andra and RyLeigh show up along with Melissa to sit with me. Which was so great because I started to cry when they told Rob he was going to have an epidural put in and a drain where they would be making the incision. I stopped crying monday night.
All of our puppies found good homes to go to and even one of our older dogs that we have been trying to find a home for finally found a home in Idaho with lots of children to love him.
When Rob took a turn for the worst last night-- his temp shot up to 103 and his blood pressure dropped to 98/52 and he started throwing up all within a matter of minutes, his PCT knew to get the nurse in the room and before i knew it, we had 2 nurses, the pct, and someone from the lab and the Dr. on the phone helping Rob.
And in the middle of all this I called my good friend Beth and she immediately found 2 men from our ward to come and give Rob a blessing. She dropped everything she needed to do to come up and be with us. Maybe she knew I needed to get some fresh air and just talk.
All these things are just little things that would probably normally happen anyway. But when you stop to take a breath and survey whats going on around you, it's then that you realize that blessings come in all shapes and sizes and when you are not thinking that you need them.
So now I get to bring my husband home, in sickness and in health and it's now I realize how important that statement is when you are saying your wedding vows.
I have never been so scared ever in my life. AND
I have never been so grateful for the little things in my life.

No Cancer Here!

So the results of Rob's lung cat scan looked ok. No signs of Cancer There!!
He is taking this much better than I am. He is just seeing this as a big inconvenience in his life. I, on the other hand am freaking out that I will be alone and will need to mow the lawn myself next summer. I don't even know how to turn it on. So I guess I will add that to my list of 2009 resolutions. It will fit nicely behind: I will not support Walmart.

Stupid Cancer.

So my year so far is off to a crappy start. On Dec. 30 2008 my husband Rob was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. He is now scheduled to have it removed on Jan. 23 2009. The only reason we found out is because we tried to get a life ins. policy for him and his blood work came back showing and elevated PSA . So he went to our family dr. (who is no longer our dr. because he is an idiot) told him to drink lots of fluids and come back in Jan. Great medical advice; go home and drink water and you will magically "pee" out the cancer! So I made Rob go to see a urologist-because of another problem that was going on- and this dr. did 2 different biopsies to confirm the cancer. Stupid Cancer. We pretty much knew that he had it. BUT when you are sitting in the dr's office and he point blank looks you in the eye and tell you: It's prostate cancer and here are your options---well that's the scariest thing ever!!! I sat there for as long as I could with big alligator tears starting to form. But then I couldn't breathe and the room was closing in around me and I ran outside so fast. I left Rob standing there in the office-speachless- because his wife had just fallen apart in front of him. He is being very brave in front of me. When he is alone, it's a different story.

This changes everything. For now.